Archive for September, 2010

I’m lost

September 8, 2010

Totally and utterly confused.

I don’t know what I want anymore. Okay, so maybe I’m lying, I just don’t like that what I want has changed because I met someone who caused it to.

I mean, I never thought I could get so attached to someone, but it happened. Oh I feel sick. This is so not me. I really dislike gushy feelings, but I can’t fight it, they just keep coming.

I just feel like a failure that I became this way. I think that’s why I keep trying to break it off, because I’m scared. As corny as it sounds, I never been in love before and I don’t everyone thinking I’ve become soft.

I feel weird.

Also, I’m don’t want to set myself up for disappointment. I’m upset with myself for falling into this. I shouldn’t have strayed from logic.

I’m also angry with myself because I just still haven’t learned to express my feelings, my true feelings, and not mask them with stupid arguments and avoidance.


I have another confession

September 7, 2010

I’m falling out of love with my boyfriend.

I just am.

I’m slowly but surely losing any feeling of connection to him.

He’s just not there for me. I don’t mean for me to cry on or anything, but to spend time with.

I thought …things would be different.  We’re not “doing it” because of religious reasons (on his part). But we don’t do ANYTHING anymore. No walks in the park, no going out to eat, no anything.

I don’t believe that he cares about me anymore, I don’t. I sometimes don’t know what to do–I’m so distraught, should I cry or laugh it off or just stay quiet? I don’t believe he considers me in anything that he does, and it hurts my feelings.

I’m lately feeling like I’m just going to break down crying, whether it’s going to happen at home or when I’m out, who knows when? I hope I don’t do it.

I don’t really feel like I can talk to him anymore, because it seems like he doesn’t have time for me except if we’re going to sleep together.

I’m not feeling this…this is part of what I left my first boyfriend over. I know that this is not the type of relationship I am happy with. I’m just so unhappy and it’s just difficult, so difficult.

I’m not an attention-whore, but I think there’s some unwritten rule that says you shouldn’t neglect you girlfriend just because you choose not to have sex!

I’m contemplating a break-up.

I have male friends, and I guess I can hang out with them (and starting this week that’s what I’m doing). But what’s the point of having a boyfriend who’s only serving half his function in relation to you?